It's been awhile.
This is the time of year when I feel I'm being swallowed up by our schedules.
I don't say that to imply I'm busier than anyone else (I have a friend that used to get offended when I talked of being busy). I don't say that to complain...I say it to explain.
When life gets busy, I try not to shut down. But I do take a break from non-essentials in order to focus on the essentials....but I'm here tonight. I made time and I'm so excited!
Although the past few weeks have been busy, they have been fun!
I was able to work in a Girls' Night with Ryan and Steph, which was long overdue and very much needed. We had so much fun reconnecting!
As I synced my phone tonight to prepare to blog, I was reminded of how blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life. I met Ryan and Steph my first year at OU and they have been my chosen sisters (I don't have any biological sisters, so I'm allowed to say that) for 16 years. I'm so thankful that they love me no matter what and I'm proud of the friendship we've maintained. I had a feeling our kids would grow up together....but I never really knew how solid our friendship would remain over the course of 16 years....I'm proud of us and what we've grown up to be...and what our kids are growing up to be. Maybe Hudson and Brody will meet their very own version of Ryan and Steph someday when they go to OU. I pray, anyway, that they have friends like that in their life.
I am also so thankful for my friend, Casey. I also met him my freshman year at OU. He was the clarinet player judging our color guard moves behind us (yes, verbally. Out loud, for all to hear). I knew I loved him the moment I heard that sarcastic, hilarious voice. He was there for me at times when I felt like no one else was. "You mean your boyfriend broke up with you like, the NIGHT BEFORE you were supposed to fly to your parents together for Christmas? No problem, I'll take you to the airport at 5am. Not a problem."
After judging last weekend, I met up with Casey at Klyde Warren Park for some grub with the boys.
Love him.
One day this week, when I picked up Hudson from his after school daycare, he immediately ran over and started talking to me, a mile a minute (loudly) like he always does. An older boy (probably 4th grade) notices me right away and yells, "Yay!! Hudson's leaving!!" I look at this boy and it takes me a minute to figure out what just happened. Hudson kept talking, and for a minute I wondered if Hudson had heard him....but I know he always. hears. everything.
I asked Hudson if he was nice to his friends today. Then I looked right at that boy and asked, "Were your friends nice to you?" I felt like a bit of a bully, staring down a 4th grader, fire in my eyes. But lucky for him, he blushed. And lucky for him, I was already on the verge of tears as my heart was breaking for my son. The director, Ms. Marsha, heard him and immediately looked at him and called him over. She disciplined this boy while I tried to keep it together and go get Brody. In that moment...I realized how real this is. Life is getting real, guys.
My kids are growing up and I cannot protect them from everyone and everything. I can't protect myself, either. I am however, thankful for my parents (and teachers...especially band directors) that somehow taught me to have a backbone and some tough skin when people were hurtful and unkind. Unfortunately, it's not just kids that can be hurtful. Adults are just as bad at times. And it could be Hudson next time, saying something rude and unkind. It could be me, on a bad day. So I continue to pray that the Lord will use me, through my words and my actions, to be kind, loving and patient with my biological kids and my kids that I teach. They are all my kids. I also pray that I can teach them to be confident in themselves and not be hurt by the words of others. I pray that I can be kind and loving to my friends and coworkers and if I'm ever rude or unkind, I pray they forgive me for having a bad moment....or a bad day....and I pray they know it is not intentional. I also pray for that boy that was rude to Hudson, and I pray that it was unintentional.
That night, I put the boys to bed and then I went to bed myself, exhausted. I can't remember finishing my prayer...but when I woke up at 4am...I couldn't go back to sleep. I prayed for protection for Hudson. I prayed for both my boys, but for right now, I want extra protection for my Hudson. I cannot protect him. But HE can. I went upstairs. I crawled into Hudson's bed. He was 90% asleep when he asked me, "Will you stay here with me? All night?" I, however, was WIDE AWAKE when I answered, "Yes. Yes, Hudson. I'll be right here all night."
The following night, I asked Hudson to pray with me. He told me, "I don't like to say prayers, mommy." I asked him why and he said, "I don't like the way some of the words look in my head."
I asked him which words he didn't like and he said, "Amen. Amen is a very ugly picture in my brain." I asked him what it looked like and he said it has all these gross lines on these bricks on a wall. I asked him to draw it for me and he agreed but told me he couldn't draw the bricks. Here is "Amen":
I explained that the Lord likes it when we pray... and then I asked him if all words are pictures in his brain. He said yes. But he said some words are also kind of like short little videos. I asked him which words he really liked the pictures of...he said "Magic." I asked him what magic looked like and he said it was all these different colors of sparkles falling downward. He told me he also likes the word funny. This is the word "funny":
Protect us all, Lord. And help us all to be kind and loving. Everyone out there, I HAVE to believe, is simply, doing the very best they can.
