This is a tough one.

So I'm sitting here. Trying to explain what it means to have lost our sweet girl, Morgan.

I've actually sat down here several times and had to walk away. So today, almost one week after we had to put her down, I'm hoping I can get all the words out this time.

I wanted a dog my entire life. I waited 23 years to get her and when I did, she was everything I'd hoped for. I liked Darrin immediately when I met him. But I fell in love with him when I met Morgan. No lie, she sealed the deal. Not only because of her and her "charming personality", but because of the way Darrin treated her and loved her.

My first impression of Morgan was when I walked into Darrin's apartment and she started squeaking and shaking (and jumping), she was so excited to meet me. She was always excited to meet anyone, honestly. She was 4 years old at the time. Not necessarily a puppy anymore, but definitely not an adult.

I loved Morgan instantly, though there were definitely the fleeting moments that she made it difficult. Like coming home at our duplex, finding our kitchen trash can knocked over and half-eaten trash everywhere. Or the time we came home (around Christmas) to find chocolate candy wrappers everywhere and then dealt with the ensuing interesting sounds and smells that couldn't help escape her body. (I think even she regretted that one).

But then there are other memories....like when I had my car accident and hurt my wrist. It was unbelievably painful every time I had to clean the wound and Morgan would camp out by the bathroom. She just wanted to be there for me.

Or the time I cried on the bed when I got the phone call that my grandmother had passed away and she laid her head on my lap and looked up at me with more concern in her eyes than a LOT of human beings are able to show.

She was constantly by my side when I was pregnant with Hudson, especially the night my water broke, I think knowing it was going to happen before I did. And then when we brought him home from the hospital, again with the squeaking....she couldn't contain her excitement. She was gentle, loving and protective in every moment she spent with him. I grew to love her even more, seeing that.

Morgan gave us so much love. Every moment this week has been difficult...filled with memories of her. Every time I come home and open the front door, I expect to hear her footsteps on our (incredibly) loud laminate floor. When Hudson drops a Cheeze-It, I start to call her name. The lint in our dryer makes me cry because of her hair. When I go to bed at night I look for her and when I wake up, I expect her to be waiting for her breakfast.

I know I'll see her again someday. I hope she'll greet me at the gates with that puppy smell....she'll be running around with no joint pain and a thick, healthy coat of hair....comfortable, not itchy.

Like I said...I waited 23 years for her and she was worth the wait.

Morgan, we love you and we miss you. so. much.