I'm back. A rebirth, of sorts.

For those of you that have kept up with my blog, you know it has been QUITE. SOME. TIME. since I have blogged.  I have to be totally honest, as I try to ALWAYS be.  The past 3 years or so?  They have been all about survival. I feel like the most joyous and most devastating moments of my life have occurred within the past three years.  Please hear me, there has been TREMENDOUS joy.  But there has also been a lot of disappointment and a healthy dose of realism.  5 years ago, I had this picture of what "Motherhood" would be.  It has not turned out to be anything close to that picture.  AND THAT'S OKAY.  It is okay.  For the past 5 years, I have had a child on my hip.  Pretty much...all the time.  When I cooked, I had a child on my hip...they were "helping" to stir the pot.  They wanted their own spoon.  They wanted to be a part of our daily life, even if we were incapable of figuring out HOW to fit them in, at the time.  For the past 5 years...I have said more bedtime prayers than you can imagine.  Some of them were done with said child awake and praying alongside us and many of them were done while the child was asleep...me silently crawling up to their room, desperate, exhausted, crying, tired and having nowhere else to turn except the Lord, my God. This kid?  This kid has CHANGED. MY. LIFE. And I love him more than I thought I could love anyone. Ever.

But this kid...he has Aspergers Syndrome.  He now has a label.  His label says, "Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 - High Functioning"....this is what Aspergers is now called, according to the DSM IV.  His "label" helps us to understand him better.  It does absolutely nothing to diminish our love for him.  The label is simply a means to end...to therapy...to modifications...to anything that will help him and help US to understand our boy that we have always connected with...but on a different level.  Hudson is smarter than I will EVER be.  His brain is incredible.  But more importantly....so is his heart.  And I have so much faith in this kid.  He's going to figure it out.  And when he does, it's going to be AMAZING.  

I have neglected many things over the past few years. One of the things I have TRIED so hard to NOT neglect is my children.  That is one of the many reasons I chose to simply stop blogging for over a year.  It has been necessary.  However, I LOVE TO WRITE.  It is one of the few things in my life that I feel really good about....I'm a pretty decent writer....and I'm not "pretty decent" at a lot of things.  So I am choosing this again.  For myself, for my kids and for my husband.  Because honestly, I'm a better person when I'm able to have this....this platform to get my thoughts out of my head.

I don't think I can "sum up" the past 1.5 years.  Hudson was tested and diagnosed with Aspergers.  We transferred him to Lillie J. Jackson Early Childhood Center through LISD to give him more structure last year.  It helped. A Lot....but there were 4 teachers per room.  Now that he is in kindergarten, there is ONE teacher per 18 kids....he has struggled a bit.  He is ridiculously intelligent. He is creative and kind. He hates cottage cheese even though the rest of the family loves it...sometimes it's easier as a family to not eat it. And I will tell you...the only thing worse than a 5-year-old with diarrhea is a five year old with sensory issues with diarrhea.

HOWEVER....This kid?

He wakes up so happy.  He is a joy to be around.  He laughs a lot and he is a beast.  At 2.5 years old, he is 40 pounds....I can no longer lift him.  We just switched him to a toddler "big boy" bed...he loves it and is so proud of himself.  I find he often accommodates Hudson because he is sweet and kind. He aims to please...especially his big brother, whom he adores.  Hudson takes great pride in the fact that Brody idolizes him so...And though Brody is only 2.5...I think he knows much more than the average 2.5 year old.  He pleases Hudson....he loves him and wants to make him happy...so he lets Hudson boss him around, although I KNOW...(TAKE ONE LOOK AT THE KID) he does NOT regularly let people boss him around.

This. This is my amazing, crazy life.  I cling to my God, and my amazing Husband and the Rock he continues to be for our family. I cling to my amazing friends and family who make the choice, as I do, to love me and my kids every day even when it is not easy.